Up until a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been lucky with my sweet corn gardening efforts here at our new home in Riley. Last year I raised and harvested two plantings of sweet corn without losing a single ear to Mother Nature’s masked bandits — raccoons.
This year my luck ran out. When my first planting of sweet corn approached maturity, one evening Nevah and I enjoyed our first sweet ears of corn on the cob. I planned on letting the ears fill out one more day before the main harvest. Alas, that harvest was not to be. That very night, my corn patch suffered a masked bandit invasion and they did the bulk of the harvesting..
The pesky critters — I suspect it wuz a mama coon and a litter of half-grown kits — pulled down stalks and ate all or bits and pieces of at least two dozen ears of corn. The corn patch looked like a hurricane had hit it.
Luckily, I wuz able to salvage around a dozen untouched sweet corn ears. I guess the masked bandits got full and could eat no more.
To add insult to injury, the raccoons not only ate my sweet corn, they discovered the suet at my bird feeders and emptied it, too. That did it. I declared WAR! First, I took the suet from my bird feeding tree. Second, I cut all the sweet corn stalks and put them securely into my newly-built compost bin.
Next, that night I put out two live traps. The critters stole the bait out of one without getting caught and tripped the other trap by reaching through. So, I changed tactics. The next night I baited the traps with baby marshmallows. The coons fooled me again. They didn’t show up at all. Guess they discovered someone else’s sweet corn patch.
But, I know raccoons. Once they discover a free food source, they don’t forget where it’s at. They’ll be back for my second-planting of sweet corn and I’ll be ready for them — lethally.
***
When they aren’t doing damage, there is nothing much cuter than raccoon kits. Yesterday, one of the infrequent visitors at our Old Geezers’ Gossip and Gabfest stopped and told a baby raccoon story that had just happened to him.
He’d been baling big round bales of hay when he said he spotted on the other end of the meadow what looked like “a big brown snake” undulating up and over the distant hay windrows. He’d never seen anything like that, so he said he sped up to take a better look. When he got close enuf, he discovered it was a mother raccoon and four or five babies tagging behind her in a close line. From a distance, they looked like a “big brown snake.”
***
Okay, back from warfare to humor. Thanks to my good friend, ol’ Willie Jay from Mount Vernon, Mo., for this one:
An aging widower, who’d ranched all his life, and an aging widow, who’d been a farm wife all her life, met at a senior dance, fell in love, and soon thereafter decided to tie a senior knot and get married. They were tired of living along.
On one of their drives to the county seat town, they pass a pharmacy and mutually decide to stop in. Once they got inside, the pharmacist says, “Can I help you folks?”
The rancher asks, “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes, I am.”
The rancher asks, “Do you sell heart medication?”
The pharmacist replies, “Of course I do.”
The rancher then asks, “How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds,” answers the pharmacist.
“Medicine for rheumatism?” asks the rancher.
“Definitely,” says the pharmacist.
The rancher continues, “How about suppositories, hearing aid batteries, adult diapers for incontinence?”
“You bet!” replies the pharmacist.
“Medicine for arthritis, rheumatism, diarrhea and upset stomach?” asks the rancher
The pharmacist replies, “Yes, we have a large variety. The works.”
“Well, how about vitamins, sleeping pills and pain relievers?”
The pharmacist replies, “Absolutely, I’ve got it all. What can I get for you today?”
The rancher replies, “Well nothing at the moment… but we’d like to use your store for our wedding registry.”
***
A really loud-mouthed farm wife interrupted a quiet group of farmers gathered at the local co-op. They all knew her, so they tolerated her until she left.
After she wuz out of hearing, one farmer questioned: “Wonder why she speaks so loudly?”
Another replied, “I think she learned to whisper in a sawmill.”
***
One morning this week, I missed going to the geezer gabfest because Nevah and I were canning tomato juice. When I went to the afternoon gathering, one wag said, “Milo, we missed you this morning.”
I replied, “Did you really miss me, or did you just notice I wuz absent?”
***
Words of wisdom for the week: “A group of folks doing the work of one is called a committee.” Have a good ‘un.
